Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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