I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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