I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Come share oat with me in your robe
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
