Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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