I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
