its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
