I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You have to summon your inner elephant
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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