she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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