We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
