I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
