Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
