he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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