1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize