she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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