I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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