Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
