He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
