One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
