Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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