My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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