he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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