He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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