i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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