sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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