shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
