Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
