Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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