Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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