I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
