A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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