the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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