he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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