No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
