We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
