guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
