I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
