I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
