I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
