i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
