That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I want a musical about memes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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