So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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