Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ttyl tear gas
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
