Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
