It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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