I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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