im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
