Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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