wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
