sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
