dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
