omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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