Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
