so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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