dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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