Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
