why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
