Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
