Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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